December 16, 2014

Heading to Chicago tomorrow morning for my three month scan! I have a lot of emotions going through me right now. I know I have been doing great so far, and I feel more blessed and thankful to God than anyone could imagine. But as each scan goes by, I feel like I just dodged another bullet. I think it’s only natural for your mind to wander to the dark places you try to suppress several times a day. What will happen when the bullet hits and can no longer be dodged?

I have vowed to fight as long as I’m able to do so with God by my side. I am putting this out there to give insight into some of my personal struggles. I have thought about what my family will be without me, who will hold my boys and my wife when I’m no longer there to do so. How hurt they will be saying goodbye…

It’s hard to talk about next year for birthdays, Christmas, sports or anything in the future with my boys when I know full well there is the chance of me not being there. It is truly heartbreaking. I try to carry myself in a positive light, but I would be a liar if I said I never think about the other side of things. It really makes you look at this beautiful life God has given us in a whole new way! I said in the beginning of my diagnosis that I wanted to be the person who lives the longest with this, and every day I push through to do just that. I have completely given this to God knowing no matter what happens everything will be ok. He will and has taken care of my family and I through this horrific diagnosis. I have been praying for good news tomorrow and for many, many years to come. Please pray for my family and I to receive this news. Thank you and God Bless!!

Love,
Jason

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